Can I Make Dad Friends Too?

I mentioned in a previous post I need to make mom friends since my childless, single friends seem to find me too boring or broke to hang out with. I'm not very good at making new friends since I am a bit on the shy side, but I figured the best way to do so would be by letting my kid become friends with a kid at the playground and then I become friends with his or her mom. Sounds easy, right?

That would work if all kids my son's age went to the park with their moms. Some go with grandparents, siblings and nannies. Also, some also go with their dads. So now, that leaves me to question: is it cool for me to make dad friends? Can I exchange numbers with a dad if our kids seem to really like each other to set up play dates?

The reason I ask is because a couple of weekends ago at the playground, my son seemed to really get along with a little girl about his age who happened to be there with her dad. It was kind of awkward, we exchanged nice, faint smiles while our kids played but never really introduced ourselves. Like I said before, I'm not very good at those things and who knows? maybe he's the same way.

Anyway, as they were leaving the dad kept looking at me so I said "bye" and that was all he needed to come over and initiate conversation. Now, I'm thinking to myself, what if this guy wants to meet up for a play date with our kids? Would that be OK?

Needless to say, this guy was bat shit CRAZY. I felt my eyes glazing over as he told me about his book bag, his grocery shopping habits, recent parking tickets, etc. I say etc. because he talked about a bunch of things all in one breath and I honestly couldn't keep up with what he was saying.

Then he says "so where do you live?" and I was all like "umm, uhh in the area" (even though I live down the street). "Do you come here often?" and once again I was like "ummm sometimes". It turns out we live only a few blocks away from each other but needless to say I did NOT want to go out of my way to meet up with this guy again and was kind of relieved I wasn't put in a more uncomfortable position by him asking to meet up so our kids could play.

Now had this guy seemed like a really cool person that I wouldn't mind meeting up with or had been a total DILF (not to say ILF him but it'd be something nice to look at while our kids played) I wonder if I would have been more open to the idea.

* from businessof-misery~ on tumblr

I asked my SO what he thought and of course he gave me this look like "why you asking?" but just kind of shrugged it off.

What do you guys think? Am I being silly or is there a valid point in being wary about making new friends of the opposite sex?

Social media

As cute as my kid is, I've come to the realization that maybe, just maybe, people don't want to see a new pic of him every other day especially if we're doing regular day to day stuff like going to the park or riding the train. 

One day as I was scrolling down my feed on Instagram and FB out of pure boredom I said to myself, wow I'm kind of boring, all I do is hang out with my kid. Then I realized No! I'm not boring, my life just appears that way on social media, so I figured it was time to chill with posting all of the cute kid pics.

It was tough at first, because as a millennial I just can't help but put everything I do on the internet for everyone to see. There are just times when we're having a blast or he looks exceptionally cute and I'm all like I GOTTA take a picture. There's nothing wrong with capturing those memories, our memories but whats special and memorable to my family may not be special enough for casual acquaintances to want to look at online.

The novelty of social media and seeing what everyone was doing wore off years ago, especially for those of us that were part of Myspace when it was popular and were actually in high school or college when Facebook came out. We were able to see what school people went to, who got fat, who partied, who went to jail (yes, people on my friends list do go to jail). 

Now that we see what everyone is up to and pretty much how they are living their lives, do we really need constant updates? Like yea, I get it, you smoke weed, you party every weekend, you wear a lot of makeup but do we really need all of the updates if you're just doing regular shit everyday?

I mentioned in a previous post I deleted my Facebook. I felt as if I was being sucked into comparisons and it was too time consuming to look at what other people were doing. I also got tired of reading the dumb quotes and looking at boring pictures so I figured I'd stick with Instagram hoping those pics would be more interesting to look at but nope, I got tired there as well.

I like to follow people that do interesting things like yoga, lift weights, cook and bake. I love seeing pictures of people that travel or have really cool, interesting jobs. I've found that I prefer to use social media to connect with people with similar interests and see what they are doing and how they're doing it. I've learned some really cool workout routines and made some kick ass recipes that way. I love to see people working toward a goal and actually reaching it. I love when I see people do great work for a cause. 

This is how I plan on using social media from now on. Connecting with those who I actually care about what they're doing and using a blog to find and connect with people that I can relate to. I do of course want to see the new babies and the bathroom selfies, but in moderation. 

I May Have To Join A Mom Group

Motherhood has been lonelier than I anticipated. I have found myself without as many friends as I once had and the ones that I do still keep in touch with, I don't see very often.

I don't know if its me not reaching out and making an effort to maintain those relationships or our lack of common interests, or just a natural drift that has led me to feel like my circle is really small.

My first year as a mom was rough on our family financially. I had quit my job to try something new and when it didn't work out, I found myself working for much less pay than I originally had before. I couldn't afford daycare and was broke. It was tough and I was stressed and when I felt like I needed my friends most, I felt as if my not having money pushed them away.

I was constantly declining invitations to dinners, brunches, weekend getaways and parties. I either couldn't afford to go or didn't have anyone to watch my son if his father was working late or had already made plans of his own.

The invites suddenly started turning into "I know you probably can't afford to go BUT we're going to eat at such and such place if you want to come". Then I stopped getting included at all. I was being asked for advice on where to vacation but not actually invited on the vacations. I found out what my friends were up to based on what I saw on social media.

As a mom, I need to plan ahead so when I did try and make plans in advance, I was met with resistance because they like to be more spontaneous. While their incomes were going up, my bills were going up and my pay was stagnant. Their lives are different and much more expensive than they were years ago when I was still single and childless. I often feel embarrassed at suggesting free events or using a Groupon because it just proves how different my life is from theirs. I live in a small apartment and have received criticism for not only the size but lack of "nice things" so having dinners and get-togethers at my house wasn't exactly something I was excited about doing.

My friends are dating, advancing in their careers and travelling. They're saving money and spending money. I'm just getting by. When we do catch up I feel as if I really don't have much to say. I have come to realize my son is not as interesting of a topic to them and I don't really have much else to talk about

A friend of mine told me a couple of weekends ago she needed to make new friends when I told her I was watching Golden Girls and drinking wine for the night. It kind of stung at first but I guess drifting apart is natural whether you have kids or not because she's obviously feeling lonely as well.

I need new mom friends. I need to put myself out there to meet other parents that would actually be interested in swapping stories about our kids and how much we love to drink wine after a long day. It would be nice to talk about relationships and how they change after having a baby and ways to save money. It would be nice to go out for free events and have a blast with our kids. 

I have been dreading seeking out "mom" friends but I guess the time has finally come.

P.S. This is day 5 of Luvvie's #31writenow challenge.