Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I Can't Afford To Have More Children

While I was packing up clothes to donate because of my impending move, I came across some of my old maternity clothes I had stuffed away in my closet. My initial reaction was to donate because I need to minimize the amount of clothing I take with me, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

The cute dresses, sweaters and skinny jeans were just screaming out at me that I needed to keep them because hey, you never know, I may need to wear them again.

I would love to have more children. My SO talks about us having more kids quite frequently actually, and while I know I've always envisioned myself as someone with more than one child, I just can't imagine what life would be like having another child NOW.

We were so fortunate to have a family member care for our son for the first year and a half before putting him in daycare but if we were to have another, that would not be the case. I would have to put a little baby, possibly two and a half months old, in daycare, which is something I really don't feel comfortable with or feel as if we could afford. 

I would have to stay at a job that I really don't want to stay for much longer because of the health and life insurance. I may have to put my goal of going to grad school on hold to be able to focus  on my two full time jobs- one as mother to a toddler and a baby, the other outside of the home. 

Our already crowded living situation would be even more crowded. If we upgraded, we'd have even less money. Our already stressful situation would become even more stressful. I just don't know if I can bring another child into the world already struggling to get by with the one that I do have.

I was an only child until I was a preteen and I remember longing for a little brother or sister close to my age. I still feel that way. With the way things are going now, if we don't have more children, my son would experience what I did growing up, but with less cousins. 

If I were by chance, to have another baby, I would totally embrace it and all of the challenges that would come along with it. We can't always be certain of what the future will hold and we can't always expect all to go as planned. If it happens, I'd totally embrace it. If not at this time, then I'm OK with that for now.