Sunday, August 4, 2013

Why I Decided To Start This Blog

If I had it my way I would have been blogging for years. I wrote a blog post on Myspace (years I tell ya) to test the waters and the post received so much negative attention I vowed to never write another blog post AGAIN. I can't handle criticism and I felt as if I were being personally attacked and the world was out to get me.

Earlier this year I lost a very good friend. Shortly before he died, I kept talking about how much I really wanted to start a blog but somehow always found an excuse not to. One of his favorite sayings happened to be NO EXCUSES. Shortly after his death, I found myself with anxiety which I thought I had left behind me in college and my mind was racing a million miles a minute leading to insomnia, which is also something I left behind in college.

I'm an introvert and the thing with us is, we like having friends and we like talking to people. We just want to have conversations about things that are important to us. We're just not all that into small talk because if that's the case, we'd rather not talk because its mentally draining to force conversation. I've found its hard to have friends that I could be totally open and honest with because when I do, I feel as if I get judged and criticized which keeps me from having those deep meaningful connections great friends are supposed to have. 

I always thought starting a blog would give me the freedom I needed to be myself and say what was on my mind without being judged. I had a lot on my mind and thought blogging would give me the opportunity to connect with others going through the same as me.

One slow day at work I picked up a pen and started writing. I wrote pages and pages full of random thoughts, feelings and ideas and when my hand started to hurt I thought "I should start a blog!" so I did. 

I'm sure you notice my blog is anonymous; my name isn't really Urban Parenthood. After what I went through after writing that Myspace post, I thought it was best to not to have this blog associated with my regular Google profile. I may also go job hunting and wouldn't want a future employer to think I'm a bitch for yelling at my son. I also have incredibly nosy coworkers that like to Google each other so yea, don't need them all in my bizness either!

Since I started this blog I have felt it has given me an outlet for a lot of my thoughts and emotions. I have been struggling with my role as a parent, as a girlfriend and figuring what I ultimately want for myself. Sometimes writing things down helps to put things in perspective. I don't really have any expectations for this. I'm happy and satisfied knowing I started this and its mine. I can say what I want. If anyone out there can relate, then great. If not, I'm still happy.