Monday, August 5, 2013

I May Have To Join A Mom Group

Motherhood has been lonelier than I anticipated. I have found myself without as many friends as I once had and the ones that I do still keep in touch with, I don't see very often.

I don't know if its me not reaching out and making an effort to maintain those relationships or our lack of common interests, or just a natural drift that has led me to feel like my circle is really small.

My first year as a mom was rough on our family financially. I had quit my job to try something new and when it didn't work out, I found myself working for much less pay than I originally had before. I couldn't afford daycare and was broke. It was tough and I was stressed and when I felt like I needed my friends most, I felt as if my not having money pushed them away.

I was constantly declining invitations to dinners, brunches, weekend getaways and parties. I either couldn't afford to go or didn't have anyone to watch my son if his father was working late or had already made plans of his own.

The invites suddenly started turning into "I know you probably can't afford to go BUT we're going to eat at such and such place if you want to come". Then I stopped getting included at all. I was being asked for advice on where to vacation but not actually invited on the vacations. I found out what my friends were up to based on what I saw on social media.

As a mom, I need to plan ahead so when I did try and make plans in advance, I was met with resistance because they like to be more spontaneous. While their incomes were going up, my bills were going up and my pay was stagnant. Their lives are different and much more expensive than they were years ago when I was still single and childless. I often feel embarrassed at suggesting free events or using a Groupon because it just proves how different my life is from theirs. I live in a small apartment and have received criticism for not only the size but lack of "nice things" so having dinners and get-togethers at my house wasn't exactly something I was excited about doing.

My friends are dating, advancing in their careers and travelling. They're saving money and spending money. I'm just getting by. When we do catch up I feel as if I really don't have much to say. I have come to realize my son is not as interesting of a topic to them and I don't really have much else to talk about

A friend of mine told me a couple of weekends ago she needed to make new friends when I told her I was watching Golden Girls and drinking wine for the night. It kind of stung at first but I guess drifting apart is natural whether you have kids or not because she's obviously feeling lonely as well.

I need new mom friends. I need to put myself out there to meet other parents that would actually be interested in swapping stories about our kids and how much we love to drink wine after a long day. It would be nice to talk about relationships and how they change after having a baby and ways to save money. It would be nice to go out for free events and have a blast with our kids. 

I have been dreading seeking out "mom" friends but I guess the time has finally come.

P.S. This is day 5 of Luvvie's #31writenow challenge.