What Do American Families Really Want?

“No man on his death bed ever looked up into the eyes of his family and friends and said, I wish I'd spent more time at the office”

-Arie De Geus

Ahh. Family and work. A popular topic especially on the blogs of the New York Times and Huffington Post. A topic that will remain popular until we reach real solutions to the problems that many American families face: The ability to balance work and family life by having access to safe, quality childcare and favorable policies for employees so they may take care of their families while not missing a step at work.

Recently the Pew Research study released data showing that there were more female breadwinners than ever before. This of course would be great news if it weren't for the fact that this accounts for more women that are the sole earner in their homes and are working lower wage jobs. Another recent study also show that 50% of mothers would prefer to work part time. So what does this mean, exactly, about what the majority of American women want? Do they want the corner office or do they want the ability to earn a good enough living to remain comfortably in middle class while being able to care for their families?

One article that sparked my interest a few weeks ago in the New York Times Why French Women Don't Get Promoted stated even though French women have favorable policies that allow them more time at home with their families and have more difficulty getting fired than Americans do, they too, do not have it all. French women still face a glass ceiling that is lower than that of American women and their extended child care policies may be the reason for it. I have never lived or worked in France so I can’t say with certainty that this is something only mothers face. This could be a result of sexism and the lack of laws that exist in France to help protect female workers and not the result of becoming a mother.  

I can see how this would not go over well with those that work in more financially rewarding fields that have already made significant advances in their careers. The thought of losing all they worked for or not being recognized for their talents or abilities may be incentive to choose career over motherhood or to go back to work almost immediately. This may work for the family that can afford the nanny or high end daycare they trust enough with an infant or if mom or dad (or both) work for companies that offer favorable policies similar to those of Yahoo and Google.  

Obviously, this is not the norm. There are many families that are single parent households resulting in the sole caretaker going to work full time out of necessity, not by choice because she (or he) wants the corner office. There also exists dual income families that do not make enough to pay for childcare resulting in one parent staying home furthering their economic woes. There exists families that earn enough to remain middle class, but do not work for companies that would offer favorable policies, forcing  a parent to take  a part time job resulting in loss of benefits and pay threatening their middle class status.

In Norway, there exists childcare policies that encourages women to go back to work, resulting in Norway being the most productive country in the world. Norway does not view providing access to childcare for families and extended time off after giving birth as a handout, but as an investment in their workforce and overall productivity.  This appears to differ from the French model in that the female workers are valued and seen as integral to society. The U.S. is much larger and more diverse than Norway which would undoubtedly make this a difficult feat to master but I think adopting more government sponsored policies so that women that want to work can work would be tax dollars wisely spent and a move in the right direction.

I do not believe the solution the average American family wants to hear is “don’t have kids you can’t afford” because this is not only a poor people problem. And if it were, who is to say poor people should not be able to have children? Unfavorable policies for maternity and paternity leave and access to affordable childcare forces families to take low paying jobs for convenience or not work at all forcing more families to depend on welfare or food stamps. Is that tax dollars well spent?

What American families want are jobs that pay a living wage. Not part time, low wage jobs that do not offer any benefits. What American women want to hear is that their jobs and livelihood will not be in jeopardy if they get pregnant and they have time to recuperate and take care of their baby the few months after giving birth. What American men want to hear is that they too, can take time off to care for a new baby if it works best for mom to go to work shortly after giving birth. 

Every family is different along with their values and desires. I do not believe there is a clear cut answer to every families’ situation, but the ability for Americans to make comprehensive choices about what works best for their family is something we need to fight to get.  

Pregnancy Discrimination Has Got To End

The National Women’s Law Center and A Better Balance released a study highlighting the discrimination that many pregnant women, more specifically those in low paying and physical jobs face even though the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 guarantees pregnant women the same considerations someone that is sick or disabled would receive. 

The study featured women that were capable of doing their job with minor restrictions such as not lifting more than 20 lbs or sitting on a stool instead of standing behind a cash register for 8 hours. These women were often fired, denied water and forced to take unpaid leave during their pregnancies that they would have saved for after the birth of their child. 

It is fairly unreasonable to expect that in a field that requires physical strength each employee is going to be physically capable to perform certain tasks throughout the entirety of their career. There are more risks involved and with those risks come injury resulting from accidents or the inability to perform a job due to an unrelated accident, illness or age. If certain groups of people can be accommodated, then why can’t pregnant women? 

Wouldn't an employer benefit from offering slight adjustments rather than firing existing employees and hiring and training new employees? And if so, what makes them think they will hire a woman that does not want or cannot have children? Firing one woman and replacing her with another is not going to solve the underlying issue. Employers need to take a common sense approach when dealing with pregnant women instead of looking down on someone for getting pregnant while unmarried or working a low paying job.

I think we need to stop looking down at those that are less educated, speak English as a second language or work lower paying jobs. For the most part, parents want what is best for their children and want for them to grow up with more opportunities in life than they did. Some families are just starting out on their journey to achieve that and some have already reached it, and a person's paycheck should not be an indicator as to whether or not they are good parents or should or should not have children. 

When will we begin to realize that pregnancy discrimination is not only a women’s issue, but a family issue? And bigger than that, a societal issue? Women that work in fields that are physical, require standing for long periods of time and with infrequent breaks are working so that they can support their families. They are paying taxes. They are contributing to society. Some women may choose their profession, such as a police officer, and others may work a job because working at the local Walmart is their only option. Whether they chose their physical career or not, there is overwhelming evidence that supports the necessity of a diverse workforce. 

 For every woman with a child there should be a man defending her right to safe working conditions while pregnant. For every couple that desires to have children in the future, there should be a man defending his partner’s right to have safe working conditions. Even for those who choose not to have children, I am sure at some point they have a woman in their life that works and contributes to her family whether it be their own mother, sister or friend. The point I am trying to make is this is not an issue that should only be fought by pregnant women facing work place discrimination. 

Although legislation cannot change an employer's opinion, it can at least guarantee the most vulnerable workers the protections they need. When employers and society as a whole begin to recognize the contributions that women make in the workforce whether it be as an executive with a major company or in a low paying entry level job, the need for these laws will hopefully cease to exist. Until then, it is important to allow hard working, law abiding taxpayers to continue to work and provide for their families. 

Please click on this link to the National Women's Law Center and tell the EEOC to issue strong guidance to employers about workplace discrimination. 

What Is Success?

When you think about success in life what comes to mind? Is it the house with the two car garage, a “good” job that offers benefits and a retirement package? Is it being a top level executive with a Fortune 500 company or an entrepreneur? Is it making enough money to take exotic vacations and own a wardrobe of designer clothes or the ability to not have to work full-time?

I've seen plenty of people that went to work in a suit and tie (or skirt suit) in corporate America after college to learn shortly after they hated it. They hated being micromanaged, they hated sitting in front of a computer for nine hours a day. They hated not being able to take as much personal time off to pursue their passions; they felt work was taking over their entire lives. Is climbing the ranks of a major corporation the epitome of success in America and is this what we should be encouraging our sons and daughters to do?

I ask these questions because when I think about my own personal happiness, I don’t envision myself in a suit, moving from cubicle to corner office to suite over the course of twenty years with a major corporation. I don’t envision myself having to wait 10 years to take 3 weeks vacation or working 50-60 hours a week for someone else. I see myself as being independent and working for myself. I see myself having the ability to decide for myself if I can make my son’s school play or take time off because he’s sick and not have to ask permission or be made to feel guilty about it. I see myself as making enough money to support my family and save for my retirement. I see myself as having a life outside of work.

I recently read an article in the Huffington Post about Millennial women not aspiring to be executives in corporate America. Maybe they see the stress that their male counterparts face in those positions and think, I don’t want this for myself. I do firmly believe women need and deserve to get paid what their male counterparts are earning and families should have more favorable options as far as flex time and maternity/paternity leave. But for some people, even with the additional benefits (for those that are fortunate enough to have those options available) working in said environment still may not be all its cracked up to be.

Could that be the trend? That more people, women in particular, are seeking careers where they are their own boss, they set their own rules and still have the ability to raise a family in the way they wish to? I think the spotlight should not only be on the female CEO of a major company, but on the people that have been able to start something from scratch whether it be as a small business owner, freelance writer or consultant where their creativity, skills and intellect can be used to its fullest extent and not limited based on a job title.

There are many different measures of success and I think we should encourage our children, the future generations, to really hone in on where they see themselves and what would truly make them happy. If becoming a CEO of a major company is their goal, then great. If not then that’s OK too. To be honest, this country would probably benefit more from there being more small businesses and banks so that large companies do not have complete control over entire economies. But hey, that’s another post for another time. 

Working Mom

For me, going to work after my son was only three months old was not a choice, it was a necessity. My boyfriend had been laid off and found work he wasn't necessarily happy with shortly before I gave birth, and we knew a dual income household was the only way to get by. There was so much pressure, so much to do. Bigger apartment, car and health insurance for our son. Every time I turned around something was going up whether it was our rent, utilities or medical expenses. I decided shortly after going back to work something had to change so I quit my job to work as a real estate agent.

The opportunity for money was there, it just required a lot of time, more than I felt comfortable with. I spent my days and sometimes nights hustling around Brooklyn and Manhattan, taking phone calls and e-mails 24/7, working an unpredictable schedule that was often very chaotic. I knew if I kept at it, I could be really good, and the opportunity to work for myself and earn my own money was great. There was just one thing; I felt really sad about not being home enough with my son.

I couldn't help but feel something wasn't right about this scenario. I was lucky enough to have a family member care for him until he was one so I knew he was in great hands. I just knew that I wanted to be the one at home caring for him. I wanted to be able to be there when he woke up in the morning, feed him his dinner and put him to bed at night. I wanted to have days off so that we could spend time together to make up for my days at work. I knew something had to change, so I got a job in the same industry in an administrative role with a set salary, good schedule and benefits.

Do I make as much as much as I would like? No. Am I being challenged, pushed to my limits (in a good way) or working to my full mental capacity? No. But I can say I do have the security of working for a great company, decent benefits and the work-life balance I felt I needed. I will admit, I can do more and want to do more, I just need to work within what my boyfriend and I feel is best for us and our family. We both decided it would be best if he spent more time working and I spent more time at home.

The pressure is there to have it all. Go after what you want in the work place, expect more from our husbands and partners and earn more. Our lives will be more fulfilling and we will set an excellent example for both our daughters and sons. My story is different than Sheryl Sandberg or Marissa Mayer. I wasn't working as an executive with a Fortune 500 company when I became pregnant, I was at the bottom. I’m sure if I were in the position they were in, I’d have more to fight for, more of a reason to keep climbing up and not give up. I won’t call my leaving my commissioned based position as giving up, but I didn't see myself as losing anything by not sticking with it and going back to the world of being an admin either.

I think as much as we support the Sandberg’s or the Mayer’s, we should be supportive of the SAHM or the mom that works her butt off outside of the home without much to show for it. I think this discussion about “leaning in” and having it all is really a discussion about choices, and making the right choices for our families and not giving in to pressure from those on the outside.