I Can't Afford To Have More Children

While I was packing up clothes to donate because of my impending move, I came across some of my old maternity clothes I had stuffed away in my closet. My initial reaction was to donate because I need to minimize the amount of clothing I take with me, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

The cute dresses, sweaters and skinny jeans were just screaming out at me that I needed to keep them because hey, you never know, I may need to wear them again.

I would love to have more children. My SO talks about us having more kids quite frequently actually, and while I know I've always envisioned myself as someone with more than one child, I just can't imagine what life would be like having another child NOW.

We were so fortunate to have a family member care for our son for the first year and a half before putting him in daycare but if we were to have another, that would not be the case. I would have to put a little baby, possibly two and a half months old, in daycare, which is something I really don't feel comfortable with or feel as if we could afford. 

I would have to stay at a job that I really don't want to stay for much longer because of the health and life insurance. I may have to put my goal of going to grad school on hold to be able to focus  on my two full time jobs- one as mother to a toddler and a baby, the other outside of the home. 

Our already crowded living situation would be even more crowded. If we upgraded, we'd have even less money. Our already stressful situation would become even more stressful. I just don't know if I can bring another child into the world already struggling to get by with the one that I do have.

I was an only child until I was a preteen and I remember longing for a little brother or sister close to my age. I still feel that way. With the way things are going now, if we don't have more children, my son would experience what I did growing up, but with less cousins. 

If I were by chance, to have another baby, I would totally embrace it and all of the challenges that would come along with it. We can't always be certain of what the future will hold and we can't always expect all to go as planned. If it happens, I'd totally embrace it. If not at this time, then I'm OK with that for now.

A Conversation About Race

I bet the world would be a much smaller place if all pregnancies were planned. 

I bet the world would be a lot smaller if all couples waited until they were exactly where they wanted to be in their careers with the right amount of money and the ideal living conditions. I wonder, more specifically, what this country would be like if that were the case.

Even more specific than that, what would the Black community be like? 

In Keli Goff's article in The Root, she outlined some of her opinions of problems being faced in the Black community and what could be done about it. The first being the need for major institutions to acknowledge the existence of racism and discriminatory hiring practices targeted at Black people, and the second being people need to wait until they have the money, education and partnerships before they have children. She goes on to describe poor, Black people that have children out of wedlock as selfish and likens parenthood to adopting a dog from a shelter. 

While I do agree with Ms. Goff on the importance of both parents being involved and for people to be able to afford to have the means to care for their children financially, I think she is missing the point as to why there are so many single parent households or why people do not delay parenthood until they are older. 

I would also like to point out that not all households are the same. Not every single parent household or two parent household is alike and it is unfair to suggest the problem in this country is the Black woman's inability to stop having children. I think we should look at why many young women without the financial means to care for children decide to have their children in the first place.

Could we place the blame on a poor education system that does not prepare the poor youth for college? Could it be because our children lack an understanding of their options with regards to their future? Discrimination? Harsh police tactics? An unfair judicial system? Rap music?

Is it fair to suggest to people of color their neighborhoods will be cleaner and safer if the very people that live in those areas stopped having children? What message is that sending? I honestly don't see how it is any different from what we would hear from a conservative pundit on Fox News.

I think instead of focusing on money, we should focus on values. You don't have to have $250,000 laying around or have a college degree to teach your kids the importance of hard work and an education. You don't have to have a college degree to motivate your children, help build their confidence and be the support they need to live a life better than yours. I am sure most people in poor, Black communities aren't criminals or throw trash in the street. I am sure most people would love to see the gangs and drugs go away, I am sure most people want the best for their children and want to escape poverty but may not know how or have the means to do so.

I am not suggesting that we play the victim role either, or blame all of our woes on racism. What I am suggesting is we find ways to help these poor communities get access to the tools they need to get out of poverty. I don't think telling people to stop having kids is the answer. Do we know for sure these young men and women would go to college if they did not have children? Can we be certain they would not be stuck in the prison system or work low wage jobs, but do a little better financially because they don't have additional mouths to feed?

If our children don't have anything to look forward to, then how could we expect them to be good decision makers?

Those that are already in the throngs of poverty with children, should we just give up on them? Should we not offer access to parenting classes for young women and men with children so they are better prepared for the challenges of parenthood? Should we not have increased screenings for postpartum depression for new moms to help reduce the amount of young children that get abused in poor communities? Should we not offer more access to childcare so that young men and women may go to school and work and be in a better position to support themselves? Should we not demand more funding for public schools and after school programs so that not as many children are left unattended because their parents work? Should we not invest in training programs to prepare the unemployed and underemployed to be able to fairly compete for work in an already competitive market?

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in tough love. I do believe we need to teach our kids the importance of being responsible for their actions and the importance of making decisions regarding their lives and the future of those they may bring into the world. I think instead of placing blame on a group of people and saying "You're the problem" is only going to continue to create more of a divide, especially within the Black community. 

Pregnancy Discrimination Has Got To End

The National Women’s Law Center and A Better Balance released a study highlighting the discrimination that many pregnant women, more specifically those in low paying and physical jobs face even though the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 guarantees pregnant women the same considerations someone that is sick or disabled would receive. 

The study featured women that were capable of doing their job with minor restrictions such as not lifting more than 20 lbs or sitting on a stool instead of standing behind a cash register for 8 hours. These women were often fired, denied water and forced to take unpaid leave during their pregnancies that they would have saved for after the birth of their child. 

It is fairly unreasonable to expect that in a field that requires physical strength each employee is going to be physically capable to perform certain tasks throughout the entirety of their career. There are more risks involved and with those risks come injury resulting from accidents or the inability to perform a job due to an unrelated accident, illness or age. If certain groups of people can be accommodated, then why can’t pregnant women? 

Wouldn't an employer benefit from offering slight adjustments rather than firing existing employees and hiring and training new employees? And if so, what makes them think they will hire a woman that does not want or cannot have children? Firing one woman and replacing her with another is not going to solve the underlying issue. Employers need to take a common sense approach when dealing with pregnant women instead of looking down on someone for getting pregnant while unmarried or working a low paying job.

I think we need to stop looking down at those that are less educated, speak English as a second language or work lower paying jobs. For the most part, parents want what is best for their children and want for them to grow up with more opportunities in life than they did. Some families are just starting out on their journey to achieve that and some have already reached it, and a person's paycheck should not be an indicator as to whether or not they are good parents or should or should not have children. 

When will we begin to realize that pregnancy discrimination is not only a women’s issue, but a family issue? And bigger than that, a societal issue? Women that work in fields that are physical, require standing for long periods of time and with infrequent breaks are working so that they can support their families. They are paying taxes. They are contributing to society. Some women may choose their profession, such as a police officer, and others may work a job because working at the local Walmart is their only option. Whether they chose their physical career or not, there is overwhelming evidence that supports the necessity of a diverse workforce. 

 For every woman with a child there should be a man defending her right to safe working conditions while pregnant. For every couple that desires to have children in the future, there should be a man defending his partner’s right to have safe working conditions. Even for those who choose not to have children, I am sure at some point they have a woman in their life that works and contributes to her family whether it be their own mother, sister or friend. The point I am trying to make is this is not an issue that should only be fought by pregnant women facing work place discrimination. 

Although legislation cannot change an employer's opinion, it can at least guarantee the most vulnerable workers the protections they need. When employers and society as a whole begin to recognize the contributions that women make in the workforce whether it be as an executive with a major company or in a low paying entry level job, the need for these laws will hopefully cease to exist. Until then, it is important to allow hard working, law abiding taxpayers to continue to work and provide for their families. 

Please click on this link to the National Women's Law Center and tell the EEOC to issue strong guidance to employers about workplace discrimination.