Buzzfeed Just Helped Me Decide Who To Vote For In The NYC Mayor Primary

Since I am not a registered democrat and too lazy to change my party affiliation from independent, I will not be voting in the democratic primary for NYC Mayor next month. I know who I would ideally prefer to win but to be honest, I don't really see much of a difference between each of the candidates to really research their backgrounds and watch the debates. According to Buzzfeed's quiz Which Democratic NYC Mayoral Candidate Should You Vote For I should vote for Weiner because I err, prefer a candidate who is really transparent. 

What about you?

A Conversation About Race

I bet the world would be a much smaller place if all pregnancies were planned. 

I bet the world would be a lot smaller if all couples waited until they were exactly where they wanted to be in their careers with the right amount of money and the ideal living conditions. I wonder, more specifically, what this country would be like if that were the case.

Even more specific than that, what would the Black community be like? 

In Keli Goff's article in The Root, she outlined some of her opinions of problems being faced in the Black community and what could be done about it. The first being the need for major institutions to acknowledge the existence of racism and discriminatory hiring practices targeted at Black people, and the second being people need to wait until they have the money, education and partnerships before they have children. She goes on to describe poor, Black people that have children out of wedlock as selfish and likens parenthood to adopting a dog from a shelter. 

While I do agree with Ms. Goff on the importance of both parents being involved and for people to be able to afford to have the means to care for their children financially, I think she is missing the point as to why there are so many single parent households or why people do not delay parenthood until they are older. 

I would also like to point out that not all households are the same. Not every single parent household or two parent household is alike and it is unfair to suggest the problem in this country is the Black woman's inability to stop having children. I think we should look at why many young women without the financial means to care for children decide to have their children in the first place.

Could we place the blame on a poor education system that does not prepare the poor youth for college? Could it be because our children lack an understanding of their options with regards to their future? Discrimination? Harsh police tactics? An unfair judicial system? Rap music?

Is it fair to suggest to people of color their neighborhoods will be cleaner and safer if the very people that live in those areas stopped having children? What message is that sending? I honestly don't see how it is any different from what we would hear from a conservative pundit on Fox News.

I think instead of focusing on money, we should focus on values. You don't have to have $250,000 laying around or have a college degree to teach your kids the importance of hard work and an education. You don't have to have a college degree to motivate your children, help build their confidence and be the support they need to live a life better than yours. I am sure most people in poor, Black communities aren't criminals or throw trash in the street. I am sure most people would love to see the gangs and drugs go away, I am sure most people want the best for their children and want to escape poverty but may not know how or have the means to do so.

I am not suggesting that we play the victim role either, or blame all of our woes on racism. What I am suggesting is we find ways to help these poor communities get access to the tools they need to get out of poverty. I don't think telling people to stop having kids is the answer. Do we know for sure these young men and women would go to college if they did not have children? Can we be certain they would not be stuck in the prison system or work low wage jobs, but do a little better financially because they don't have additional mouths to feed?

If our children don't have anything to look forward to, then how could we expect them to be good decision makers?

Those that are already in the throngs of poverty with children, should we just give up on them? Should we not offer access to parenting classes for young women and men with children so they are better prepared for the challenges of parenthood? Should we not have increased screenings for postpartum depression for new moms to help reduce the amount of young children that get abused in poor communities? Should we not offer more access to childcare so that young men and women may go to school and work and be in a better position to support themselves? Should we not demand more funding for public schools and after school programs so that not as many children are left unattended because their parents work? Should we not invest in training programs to prepare the unemployed and underemployed to be able to fairly compete for work in an already competitive market?

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in tough love. I do believe we need to teach our kids the importance of being responsible for their actions and the importance of making decisions regarding their lives and the future of those they may bring into the world. I think instead of placing blame on a group of people and saying "You're the problem" is only going to continue to create more of a divide, especially within the Black community. 

What Do American Families Really Want?

“No man on his death bed ever looked up into the eyes of his family and friends and said, I wish I'd spent more time at the office”

-Arie De Geus

Ahh. Family and work. A popular topic especially on the blogs of the New York Times and Huffington Post. A topic that will remain popular until we reach real solutions to the problems that many American families face: The ability to balance work and family life by having access to safe, quality childcare and favorable policies for employees so they may take care of their families while not missing a step at work.

Recently the Pew Research study released data showing that there were more female breadwinners than ever before. This of course would be great news if it weren't for the fact that this accounts for more women that are the sole earner in their homes and are working lower wage jobs. Another recent study also show that 50% of mothers would prefer to work part time. So what does this mean, exactly, about what the majority of American women want? Do they want the corner office or do they want the ability to earn a good enough living to remain comfortably in middle class while being able to care for their families?

One article that sparked my interest a few weeks ago in the New York Times Why French Women Don't Get Promoted stated even though French women have favorable policies that allow them more time at home with their families and have more difficulty getting fired than Americans do, they too, do not have it all. French women still face a glass ceiling that is lower than that of American women and their extended child care policies may be the reason for it. I have never lived or worked in France so I can’t say with certainty that this is something only mothers face. This could be a result of sexism and the lack of laws that exist in France to help protect female workers and not the result of becoming a mother.  

I can see how this would not go over well with those that work in more financially rewarding fields that have already made significant advances in their careers. The thought of losing all they worked for or not being recognized for their talents or abilities may be incentive to choose career over motherhood or to go back to work almost immediately. This may work for the family that can afford the nanny or high end daycare they trust enough with an infant or if mom or dad (or both) work for companies that offer favorable policies similar to those of Yahoo and Google.  

Obviously, this is not the norm. There are many families that are single parent households resulting in the sole caretaker going to work full time out of necessity, not by choice because she (or he) wants the corner office. There also exists dual income families that do not make enough to pay for childcare resulting in one parent staying home furthering their economic woes. There exists families that earn enough to remain middle class, but do not work for companies that would offer favorable policies, forcing  a parent to take  a part time job resulting in loss of benefits and pay threatening their middle class status.

In Norway, there exists childcare policies that encourages women to go back to work, resulting in Norway being the most productive country in the world. Norway does not view providing access to childcare for families and extended time off after giving birth as a handout, but as an investment in their workforce and overall productivity.  This appears to differ from the French model in that the female workers are valued and seen as integral to society. The U.S. is much larger and more diverse than Norway which would undoubtedly make this a difficult feat to master but I think adopting more government sponsored policies so that women that want to work can work would be tax dollars wisely spent and a move in the right direction.

I do not believe the solution the average American family wants to hear is “don’t have kids you can’t afford” because this is not only a poor people problem. And if it were, who is to say poor people should not be able to have children? Unfavorable policies for maternity and paternity leave and access to affordable childcare forces families to take low paying jobs for convenience or not work at all forcing more families to depend on welfare or food stamps. Is that tax dollars well spent?

What American families want are jobs that pay a living wage. Not part time, low wage jobs that do not offer any benefits. What American women want to hear is that their jobs and livelihood will not be in jeopardy if they get pregnant and they have time to recuperate and take care of their baby the few months after giving birth. What American men want to hear is that they too, can take time off to care for a new baby if it works best for mom to go to work shortly after giving birth. 

Every family is different along with their values and desires. I do not believe there is a clear cut answer to every families’ situation, but the ability for Americans to make comprehensive choices about what works best for their family is something we need to fight to get.  

Finding A Good Man

When I was growing up and had to listen to endless advice about men and choosing the right mate in the future, the same qualities were brought up: 

1. Good job with benefits 

2. A Pension

3. Make sure he doesn't cheat or hit you because if he does you          kick him to the curb 

NYC Apartment Search Pt.2

So my boyfriend and I decided to leave our apartment on or before the date our landlord proposed and after  a few heated "discussions", she offered incentives such as cash back when we turn in keys and additional money for each day we leave before the deadline. Apparently she's going to put up walls and make closet size bedrooms and rent the place out for a few extra hundred bucks. Let's see how she likes those tenants. 

Even though we still won't be in a position to move within the next 5 weeks, we figured it would be best to stay with his mom to avoid going to court (especially since we were on a month to month lease and not a year long lease) which will force us to miss out on work and potentially damage our credit and still run the risk of not being able to secure an apartment in time.

As someone that works in real estate I know how important a strong credit score is for securing an apartment. And not just in areas like Park Slope or Williamsburg, I'm talking Flatbush, Crown Heights and Bed Stuy. I also know that any landlord/tenant issues on a credit report will almost certainly destroy any chance of renting somewhere decent. So, we are doing what I hate to have to do but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

So just when I started feeling all bad about myself for being nearly 30 and having to move into my mother-in-law's apartment I came across the site Worst Room which didn't necessarily make me feel better, but gave me a bit of a laugh. I pray none of the people that live in these conditions have children, but I think it is kind of funny that people will pay the price for a dump in a "hip neighborhood" when they can pay the same money and get a decent apartment a little further out in Brooklyn, Queens or the Bronx. 

For anyone going through landlord drama in NY, here is some helpful information. And if anyone has any other additional resources feel free to comment and don't forget to subscribe!

Pregnancy Discrimination Has Got To End

The National Women’s Law Center and A Better Balance released a study highlighting the discrimination that many pregnant women, more specifically those in low paying and physical jobs face even though the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 guarantees pregnant women the same considerations someone that is sick or disabled would receive. 

The study featured women that were capable of doing their job with minor restrictions such as not lifting more than 20 lbs or sitting on a stool instead of standing behind a cash register for 8 hours. These women were often fired, denied water and forced to take unpaid leave during their pregnancies that they would have saved for after the birth of their child. 

It is fairly unreasonable to expect that in a field that requires physical strength each employee is going to be physically capable to perform certain tasks throughout the entirety of their career. There are more risks involved and with those risks come injury resulting from accidents or the inability to perform a job due to an unrelated accident, illness or age. If certain groups of people can be accommodated, then why can’t pregnant women? 

Wouldn't an employer benefit from offering slight adjustments rather than firing existing employees and hiring and training new employees? And if so, what makes them think they will hire a woman that does not want or cannot have children? Firing one woman and replacing her with another is not going to solve the underlying issue. Employers need to take a common sense approach when dealing with pregnant women instead of looking down on someone for getting pregnant while unmarried or working a low paying job.

I think we need to stop looking down at those that are less educated, speak English as a second language or work lower paying jobs. For the most part, parents want what is best for their children and want for them to grow up with more opportunities in life than they did. Some families are just starting out on their journey to achieve that and some have already reached it, and a person's paycheck should not be an indicator as to whether or not they are good parents or should or should not have children. 

When will we begin to realize that pregnancy discrimination is not only a women’s issue, but a family issue? And bigger than that, a societal issue? Women that work in fields that are physical, require standing for long periods of time and with infrequent breaks are working so that they can support their families. They are paying taxes. They are contributing to society. Some women may choose their profession, such as a police officer, and others may work a job because working at the local Walmart is their only option. Whether they chose their physical career or not, there is overwhelming evidence that supports the necessity of a diverse workforce. 

 For every woman with a child there should be a man defending her right to safe working conditions while pregnant. For every couple that desires to have children in the future, there should be a man defending his partner’s right to have safe working conditions. Even for those who choose not to have children, I am sure at some point they have a woman in their life that works and contributes to her family whether it be their own mother, sister or friend. The point I am trying to make is this is not an issue that should only be fought by pregnant women facing work place discrimination. 

Although legislation cannot change an employer's opinion, it can at least guarantee the most vulnerable workers the protections they need. When employers and society as a whole begin to recognize the contributions that women make in the workforce whether it be as an executive with a major company or in a low paying entry level job, the need for these laws will hopefully cease to exist. Until then, it is important to allow hard working, law abiding taxpayers to continue to work and provide for their families. 

Please click on this link to the National Women's Law Center and tell the EEOC to issue strong guidance to employers about workplace discrimination. 

NYC Apartment Search

I consider myself fortunate to have lived in a cheap apartment by NYC standards for as long as I have. Originally, my mom, brother and I lived in the small one bedroom for about 5 years when she and my step dad separated until they got back together about four years ago. The landlord was OK with me staying and requested additional security since I was “so young”, but eventually dropped the rent by $50 because I was “such a good tenant”.

When my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant, we decided it was best to hold on to the $850 apartment instead of rushing into getting bigger space so that we may save instead. Our landlords were OK with him moving in, but not so much when they discovered I was pregnant. That’s when the problems started. My landlady’s response to why it would be a “problem” for us to have a baby was “we had a couple that was not married and they had a baby and they used to fight a lot. The police even had to come one time so you see? That’s why we don’t want couples that have children out of wedlock in our apartment.” And then she raised the rent.

Now I get that when you pay cheaper rent you sacrifice certain things like heat during the winter and repairs to the giant hole in the living room wall caused by the neighbors in the attached house. You put up with street noise and pollution blowing in our apartment since we’re on the ground floor, we deal with the landlord’s father in law smoking directly in front of the house so that the wind blows the smoke inside through our open living room window. We deal with repairs to the apartment not being taken care of and asked questions like “what did you do to cause that crack in the ceiling?” months after requested repairs.

On that snowy day when we brought our son home from the hospital to a freezing apartment, I was told “you see? I told you this baby was going to cause problems for us” when I requested the heat be turned back on. I had to deal with random “inspections” multiple times a month and constant drop ins (they live in the house next door) so they could see how many visitors we had because “when you have a baby, everyone wants to come see it and we never approved you having company over”. 

I was harassed by my landlady, asked if I was receiving government benefits because “I know the government gives money to minority women that have babies out of wedlock so if you’re getting money from the government I need to know.” Huhhhh?????? And WHY would it be any of her business you may ask because I certainly did ask and her response was- “if you’re getting cash from the government then I can raise your rent because you have more money.” I was threatened on Christmas Eve with yet another rent increase (only months after my first one by the way) because the guy next door rented his two units and got more money so they felt it was best I find something new so they could rent it out for more money.

We stayed because we weren't going to pick up and voluntarily leave just because we felt bad our landlords weren't making as much money as the guy next door. We decided even though we weren't happy living in such a small apartment we’d A) wait till we were financially ready to move or B) wait until we were told we have to leave hoping the former would come first. Well, the time has come and our landlady asked us to leave in 60 days and I should feel “lucky I gave you 60 days because I only have to give you 30 days notice.”  

Finding a reasonable two bedroom apartment wouldn't be such a challenge if we weren't already spending money on daycare. The cost of the average apartment in Brooklyn is currently $2600. Landlords normally request you earn 40x the rent which means you would have to earn approximately $104,000. The average household income in Brooklyn is approximately $60,000 which means the average household qualifies for a $1500 apartment. Add childcare, insurance and the other expenses families with children have and even a $1500 apartment may not seem all that affordable. Affordable housing in NYC is going to get even tighter for the neediest New Yorkers. With cuts and decreases to Section 8 vouchers, those at or below the poverty line are not going to be able to find anything at all.

It leaves me to wonder if the middle class or lower middle class can continue to live in the outer boroughs of NYC (forget about Manhattan) if the prices continue to rise. Its as if the teachers, healthcare workers, civil servants, secretaries and retail workers don't count. We contribute greatly to this city but with the way we are being pushed out it is clear we are not valued as doing so.

I have 60 days to find something. I will be sure to provide updates on my search and provide resources for anyone struggling to find housing in NYC as well.

Can We Afford To Have It All?

I've found that most of the articles I've read regarding the work life balance that families need so that both parents can thrive in the work place centers around those that are highly educated and are already established in their careers. When you have an MBA from an elite university or have worked and established yourself within a Fortune 500 company one may have more leverage with requesting things like a flexible schedule or paid maternity leave. So, what about everyone else? What about the Millennials that have not gone to college or recently graduated from school and have not gained valuable work experience? What about those of us that work in positions or industries with a sink or swim mentality instilling the fear that we can be easily replaced?

Not all families have two parents in the household, not all families have parents that can afford nannies or full time daycare so that both parents can work long hours and travel for work. Many families work in industries such as healthcare or retail where the hours are inflexible and the wages are low. How do we lean in? Is it fair to penalize or condemn those of us that are not fortunate enough to have the same choices and possibilities as someone like Sheryl Sandberg or Marissa Mayer? Is it fair to expect that those of us with a household income below $80,000 should not procreate at all?

Don't get me wrong, I am glad that there are women like Marissa Mayer and Sheryl Sandberg in the positions of power that they are in that can make decisions that benefit families, help to foster an environment where moms and dads are able to thrive and contribute the way they did before becoming parents. I am glad the “lean in” debate has received the attention that it has so that it may create a dialogue at other companies with regard to favorable policies for families that would extend to all employees, not only those that are in a position of authority.

Most other first world countries have more favorable policies for working families than the U.S. Yes, the cost of providing paid leave can be costly but the cost of having to replace workers or face the risk of losing quality workers must be an incentive for employers to provide paid leave for new moms and dads. If some of the most successful companies can see the value in retaining their workforce why can't other companies do the same?

It is clear not all families are the same, which create unique challenges across the board. Whether it’s the woman who has found success in corporate America but earns less than her male counterparts or the dad that cannot get the flexible schedule he needs to be home more with his family or the single mom that works her butt off but still needs to rely on government assistance to barely make ends meet; families are in dire need of support in this country and we need favorable policies that will help us continue to thrive and grow as a nation.