Let's Hope Stop And Frisk Will Finally Come To An End

I remember years back as my SO and I, along with a couple of his friends, were exiting a backyard BBQ and we were stopped by cops that happened to be driving by at the same time.

What are you doing? Where are you going?

Let me see your IDs!

This is the first time anything like this had ever happened to me. I had never been stopped by a cop, for no apparent reason and asked for ID so naturally I questioned why.

Because I SAID so, so give me your IDs! YOU FIRST!

Before I could open my mouth to say anything else, in a respectful manner of course, my SO intervened and said "just give him your ID, don't make this any worse for us".

Even though none of us were frisked, I definitely felt upset about the situation. Everyone just said the same thing "just do what they say and there won't be any problems", apparently, they learned the hard way that when you ask an officer why they are being stopped, questioned and frisked, the response they get will be aggression, force and a SHUT THE FUCK UP!

My SO comes from a higher crime area than I, so I remember when there was an increased police presence in his area, he seemed to be OK with it. He said it made him feel safer that the police were patrolling the area and liked the idea that if something were to happen, there was always a police officer near by. 

When they started aggressively frisking he seemed OK with that as well. Said he didn't mind getting stopped once or twice if it helped get guns off the streets.

When he was stopped more and more frequently, on his way to and from work, in and out of his building, on his way to the grocery store he became more and more infuriated because he knew his rights were being violated. But what could he do?

He has even been stopped on his lunch break stepping out of his building by cops that wanted to know what he was doing in that neighborhood as they proceeded to frisk him. It wasn't until a white colleague stepped out of the building and questioned what was going on that the cops left him alone.

These are instances that have become all too familiar to law abiding citizens that just want to feel as if the police are there to help their community, not infringe on their constitutional rights.

As a result, many young men of color are being arrested and given summonses for marijuana possession and other small infractions. Drug use is not something that only exists in poor communities of color and arresting certain groups of people for an offense that is committed in ALL communities is racist.

Racial profiling, harassment and aggression do not help to mend police/community relationships, it gives people even more of a reason to not trust the police. It gives people even more of a reason to want police OUT of their neighborhoods because not only are they being terrorized by gang members and drug dealers, they're being terrorized by the very people that are supposed to keep those people off the streets.

Is there a problem with gun violence in the inner city? Absolutely. Does something need to be done to get illegal guns off the streets? Yes. Is stopping, frisking and harassing innocent people helping to get the job done?

Some will say yes, Mayor Bloomberg even stated Blacks and Latinos aren't being stopped enough. Some will say no, the problem of drugs, gang activity and poverty still exist whether the police are frisking people or not. Shouldn't we focus on getting to the root of the problem?

Shouldn't we focus on where those drugs are coming from? On where the illegal handguns are coming from? Drugs and guns may wind up in the hands of poor, minority youths but who is putting them there? Why are we the ones that continuously get punished when we're only a piece of a much larger puzzle?

I think the focus should be more on funding for education and after school activities for kids to open them up to more options than what they may see around them. I think poor, minority communities need access to healthcare that will especially provide resources for those that are battling addiction. We need affordable housing, we need jobs. We need to demand protection from those that try to infringe on our rights as citizens.

A Conversation About Race

I bet the world would be a much smaller place if all pregnancies were planned. 

I bet the world would be a lot smaller if all couples waited until they were exactly where they wanted to be in their careers with the right amount of money and the ideal living conditions. I wonder, more specifically, what this country would be like if that were the case.

Even more specific than that, what would the Black community be like? 

In Keli Goff's article in The Root, she outlined some of her opinions of problems being faced in the Black community and what could be done about it. The first being the need for major institutions to acknowledge the existence of racism and discriminatory hiring practices targeted at Black people, and the second being people need to wait until they have the money, education and partnerships before they have children. She goes on to describe poor, Black people that have children out of wedlock as selfish and likens parenthood to adopting a dog from a shelter. 

While I do agree with Ms. Goff on the importance of both parents being involved and for people to be able to afford to have the means to care for their children financially, I think she is missing the point as to why there are so many single parent households or why people do not delay parenthood until they are older. 

I would also like to point out that not all households are the same. Not every single parent household or two parent household is alike and it is unfair to suggest the problem in this country is the Black woman's inability to stop having children. I think we should look at why many young women without the financial means to care for children decide to have their children in the first place.

Could we place the blame on a poor education system that does not prepare the poor youth for college? Could it be because our children lack an understanding of their options with regards to their future? Discrimination? Harsh police tactics? An unfair judicial system? Rap music?

Is it fair to suggest to people of color their neighborhoods will be cleaner and safer if the very people that live in those areas stopped having children? What message is that sending? I honestly don't see how it is any different from what we would hear from a conservative pundit on Fox News.

I think instead of focusing on money, we should focus on values. You don't have to have $250,000 laying around or have a college degree to teach your kids the importance of hard work and an education. You don't have to have a college degree to motivate your children, help build their confidence and be the support they need to live a life better than yours. I am sure most people in poor, Black communities aren't criminals or throw trash in the street. I am sure most people would love to see the gangs and drugs go away, I am sure most people want the best for their children and want to escape poverty but may not know how or have the means to do so.

I am not suggesting that we play the victim role either, or blame all of our woes on racism. What I am suggesting is we find ways to help these poor communities get access to the tools they need to get out of poverty. I don't think telling people to stop having kids is the answer. Do we know for sure these young men and women would go to college if they did not have children? Can we be certain they would not be stuck in the prison system or work low wage jobs, but do a little better financially because they don't have additional mouths to feed?

If our children don't have anything to look forward to, then how could we expect them to be good decision makers?

Those that are already in the throngs of poverty with children, should we just give up on them? Should we not offer access to parenting classes for young women and men with children so they are better prepared for the challenges of parenthood? Should we not have increased screenings for postpartum depression for new moms to help reduce the amount of young children that get abused in poor communities? Should we not offer more access to childcare so that young men and women may go to school and work and be in a better position to support themselves? Should we not demand more funding for public schools and after school programs so that not as many children are left unattended because their parents work? Should we not invest in training programs to prepare the unemployed and underemployed to be able to fairly compete for work in an already competitive market?

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in tough love. I do believe we need to teach our kids the importance of being responsible for their actions and the importance of making decisions regarding their lives and the future of those they may bring into the world. I think instead of placing blame on a group of people and saying "You're the problem" is only going to continue to create more of a divide, especially within the Black community. 

On Being "Mixed"

Reading Maria Guido’s post 10 Things You Should Never Say To The Parent Of A Mixed Race Child brought back a flood of memories from my childhood and the never ending question of my race, my identity and stereotypes.

Growing up I often felt pressured to identify with one group or another because what I consider myself is apparently really really important to people that don’t know me. And for those that want to get to know me, figuring out how I identify is the most important way to do that.

Listen, I get it. I've seen plenty of people with exotic or unique or just plain different features and wondered what background they were from as well. The first thing we notice on a person is their face and the color of their skin so it is natural to wonder or even ask “hey, where you from?" or "what are you?” but here are some that cross the line:      

    

   1. Do you know your Dad?

The sad thing is, no I don’t speak to my biological father who happens to be Black and it really isn't a conversation I’d like to have with someone I've just met. There are a lot of great dads out there whether they are with women of their race or not and I think its unfair to assume that I wouldn't know him by asking me that question.

2. Do you consider yourself Black? Oh- you do?

Which leads to…(drum roll please)

      

    3. You know you’re really not Black, right?

        

    Who the hell do people think they are to tell someone that they are not black? Is it like comparing skin tones on a paint chart?

     

  4. You know, I think its insulting to Black to people to say you’re mixed with something. If you’re Black, you’re Black.

You see, the thing is, you didn't ask me “what are you” because you thought I was just black even if you suspected I was mixed so why so defensive? Also, I don’t think by acknowledging you have roots elsewhere is in any way showing your disdain for being Black. Nothing wrong with acknowledging the variety of cultures that make you YOU.

     

  5. I bet you don’t date dark skinned guys because you don’t want black babies.

What????

        

    6.Too bad you didn't come out with hair like your mother

   Since this isn't a natural hair post I won’t get all into this but making little girls feel bad about their hair is so wrong, especially by other Black people.

     

    7. What kind of Black?

From here.

Here?

Yea, you know. African American.

Oh, you should just say you’re Puerto Rican

8. I bet you have a complex.

You know what? I bet YOU have a complex because my race and my identity mean so much to you.

As I got older I decided to steer away from these race/identity traps I simply say I’m from Brooklyn. I think that describes a lot more about who I am as a person than anything else.

Workplace Diversity

"Your son has a better chance of going to jail than college."

“You know, statistically speaking, since you’re Black, Spanish or whatever you consider yourself AND a single mom, your son will most likely wind up in jail."

OHHHHHHHHH! I get it now! Thanks for explaining the first statement with "facts" because my ignoring you since I'm trying my best not to lose my shit and keep my job led you to believe I was confused and didn't understand the knowledge you just DROPPED on me. It couldn't have possibly been because I thought your statement was ignorant and misinformed, it was because I was the misinformed one that had never heard of the frequently cited statistics that are no longer factual.

"I wish I were a Black woman. I could get any job I want and go to a top 10 law school because of affirmative action."

Yea, the same fool that told me my son was going to jail said this was the reason he may not get into a top 10 school. 

"Hey, since you're Black and Puerto Rican I don't have to worry about filling both quotas! Lucky me!"

Ohmagod! You are the luckiest boss EVER. Every employer should look for mixed race employees so they don't have to hire too many non-white employees because you know, one is already enough. Employers should actively recruit people that identify themselves as Cablinasian so they could have all their bases covered.

I wrote a post about using the N word at work but I feel as if there is still so much I have to say about diversity at work, which basically means throwing a Black or Latino in an office and calling it diverse. From my experience, I've found people think its OK to make inappropriate, hurtful or downright racist comments because they know I :

a) wouldn't want to be known as an overly sensitive drama queen
b) wouldn't want to damage the opportunity to get a reference or considered for a promotion 
c) they know I have a kid and don't want to risk losing my job by beating someone's azz

Now to be clear, I am NOT one to sit and listen to someone say hurtful, insensitive things about groups of people; even groups that I do not belong to. Call me the race police but I have confronted colleagues about comments about various ethnic groups, religions and LGBT people. It just gets to the point where I say to myself Why do I have to do this? Why should anyone go through this?

And please, please, please do not initiate a conversation with "why do black people always..." or bring up your views on immigration and the need for all of these Latinos to get out of the country or talk to me about Al, Jesse or some black chick that claimed to get raped by white lacrosse players at least a decade ago or why you believe the Zimmerman verdict was correct. 

What makes people think I want to talk about that?

Just Go AWAY!

On Using The N Word At Work.

When you tell someone they can't or shouldn't do something, they naturally only want to do it more. Don't touch the iron its hot, don't date bad boys they'll only break your heart, don't say the N word its racist.

Today, I am not going to talk about hot appliances or bad boys, but what I do want to talk about is the use of the N word at work. 

My office is diverse because of me. Before me there was a similarly pigmented version of me and after I leave I'm sure it'll be the same story all in the name of Diversity. The thing with working at a company that's 98% white is some people think its OK to make racist or offensive comments because since I'm working there, I'm trying to fit in. I'm one of THEM. Part of the team, the family, and I want to keep MY JOB.

White people have discovered cheeky little ways of saying the N word without it really being offensive because you see, they were singing rap lyrics like "Niggas in Paris" or quoting that scene from The 40 Year Old Virgin where "Kevin Hart and the other black guy kept saying nigga over and over."

You know, this scene:

Now don't get me wrong, that scene was pretty funny but since you don't hear me say the N word, don't think its OK to say it in front of me then start the "why do Black people get to say the N word and I can't? That's racist" talk. That leaves me to question: why do you want to use the word in the first place?

I'm sure those that have done this know the word is controversial, offensive and racist so why push the limit? Are you testing me to see if I'll stand up for myself? Get all excited and act a fool? Do you think if I smile and laugh along that gives you a free pass to say the N word anywhere anytime because I represent how all Black people think and feel about the word? It's just not cool and can get you into some shit you really don't want to be in at work. Point being, white people, please don't use the N word at work and if you do, say it at a place with REAL diversity.